With a number of new people popping up on this forum, and a number of us older guys probably soon to move on, I thought maybe a thread on "things we learned" would be productive.  I'll start by sharing a story from yesterday. 

Sitting in the stands yesterday at a rink, 

I heard about a paid coach that is staying with the same team 3 years in a row because he's got a side piece mom on the team and another kids "sugar daddy" throwing money his way.

Another coach that has his apartment paid for by a dad on the team.  10-year-olds that are relocating their entire family because they didn't make the local team they wanted.  

ANY ADVICE? Like what's the end goal for these parents making deals with coaches, when I assume their kids just aren't good enough to make the team legitimately?

Also,

ADVICE : If you're at a public rink with others around, might be wise to not gossip about other players, coaches and families.  You never know who is nearby, small world this hockey community.

Advice: don't let your kids play hockey.   It's a money and time waster and while it's a great sport to watch you should just buy a yacht or something.   

I know of a lot of moms doing coaches. Ruined a lot of families. 

- Always do what is best for your family and your financial situation.  There are going to be people that are going to try to tell you what you should be doing and how you should be spending your time and money, their opinion DOES NOT MATTER!!!  

- If your player stops having fun, then stop playing and take some things off of their plate.

6 hours ago, zam said:

With a number of new people popping up on this forum, and a number of us older guys probably soon to move on, I thought maybe a thread on "things we learned" would be productive.  I'll start by sharing a story from yesterday. 

Sitting in the stands yesterday at a rink, 

I heard about a paid coach that is staying with the same team 3 years in a row because he's got a side piece mom on the team and another kids "sugar daddy" throwing money his way.

Another coach that has his apartment paid for by a dad on the team.  10-year-olds that are relocating their entire family because they didn't make the local team they wanted.  

ANY ADVICE? Like what's the end goal for these parents making deals with coaches, when I assume their kids just aren't good enough to make the team legitimately?

Also,

ADVICE : If you're at a public rink with others around, might be wise to not gossip about other players, coaches and families.  You never know who is nearby, small world this hockey community.

Get a camera. Stand by yourself near the boards and take pictures. Preferably with your headphones in so you can listen to music. Enjoy the memories when they’re done playing.

Many parents will talk, but often that’s all it is - just talk. Never believe anything you hear unless you confirm it from a reliable source.

Remember, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Hockey parents can sometimes be very toxic. It may be better to sit or stand by yourself on game day.

Be sure to vet your manager before handing over any money. For bonus points, vet the manager's child and the coach's child as well.

It’s crucial to evaluate the coach - this cannot be stressed enough. You want to be part of a positive development culture.

Drama is prevalent in youth hockey. It’s best to stay away from it and distance yourself from harmful individuals and toxic families.

Don't chase A's. Level doesn't matter as much until you're at the 16U level. And even then, it's all relevant to your players' level of dedication/goals.

Most importantly, this is supposed to be a fun experience. 

Edited March 30Mar 30 by XPs

-if you're spending extra time and money outside of the team on anything, spend it on skating lessons with a good skating coach that does private and/or small groups. This will help your kid more than anything else. A kid who has 6 months to a year of skating lessons will stand out from most kids that have been playing years longer and have only done whatever skating came from team practices. Stick handling and shooting lessons are great, too. But I would at least do 3 skating lessons to 1 skills lesson. Skating is the whole thing. 
 

-find a good coach (this can be different for different kids) and good parents. If you find these, you'll find the good kids, too. Teammates that bring the least-skilled players up and don't put their teammates down.  
 

-stay away from teams that have coaches doing lessons on the side. 
 

-unless literally your kid has no other interests than being on the ice, (and if that's the case you should try to introduce other interests), take a break from hockey over the off-season. I don't mean not to step foot in a rink for four months, but your schedule shouldn't look like hockey season. It's a good time to get some skating lessons in once every week or two. Make sure they're doing other things, too. 
 

-remember it's supposed to be fun time for your kid. Make sure that's what it is. It's a big time and money commitment to not be enjoying it. If your kid thinks fun looks like 10 tryouts and picking the highest team they make every year and practices 5 nights a week between school and club, okay. If they think fun looks like playing on a B club team and not playing school, okay. Let them decide.
 

-if you do this right, your child will come out of this around 17-18 years old with lifelong friends from other school districts they never would've met if not for this sport. You will, too, as a parent.  They'll learn lessons about hard work, exercise and eating right, navigating different personalities, competition, winning and losing, and a long list of other things that will serve them well the rest of their lives. 

Nemesis, those are all very good points, especially letting the kid determine the level of commitment and time they want to put into other things outside of hockey.

That doesn't mean you don't have honest conversations with them about what it takes to get to the level they want to get to, but you can't be the one pushing all the time for them to jump up to the next rung on the ladder.

And even the kids who want "nothing but to be on the ice everyday" do honestly need breaks too, even when they may not realize it themselves. 

A few things I would add, especially for new parents with young players:

-The best players at 10 are very rarely the best players at 16.  Remember that all players develop at their own pace.  

-Find some veteran parents that you can trust and ask questions.  Organizations tend to do a poor job of educating new families and having others that are willing to share their experiences can be more helpful than any 45 minute informational meeting an organization is going to hold in late August.

-Take some time during the season and watch games at different levels (A, AA, AAA) so you and your player recognize the difference in skill levels as well as the intensity of the games.  This is very helpful when it comes to being realistic about what teams and what level to try out for each season.  

-Your player DOES NOT need the newest, most expensive, coolest looking piece of equipment every season.  Buy equipment in the off season when stores have sales and buy a model year removed from what was just released.  The technology and changes in equipment from year to year rarely, if ever, justify the difference in cost.  Also, your player that is just learning how to skate and shoot will not be able to tell the difference between high end skates and sticks and the less costly equipment anyway.

My thoughts, although I'm not a grizzled veteran like some on here:

1.) This is your kid's journey, not yours.

2.) You need to recognize the difference between guiding your child to be the best they can be and forcing them to do something. Their motivation and desire is the driving factor at the end of the day.  Do you think Sidney Crosby needed to be dragged to the basement to shoot pucks at his dryer?

3.) Don't rush development.  Always seek out the level of competition that is best for your child, not the extra A.

4.) Be fully conscious that, as the parent, you have blinders on.  You have to take them off sometimes.  We all love our kids and want what's best for them, but that doesn't mean they are the best at what they do.  Be realistic in your assessments of your child's abilities, motivation, desire, etc.

5.) It sucks to say, but hockey development is a business.  There are absolutely people that are in this for the love of the game and the development of your child.  There are also just as many, if not more, people that are out there to make money off of you and your child. That may sound like cynicism, but there is a reason you stop seeing advertisements for all of these extra clinics and programs once kids hit Bantam age.  Preying on the hopes and dreams of parents of young children, at the point in time where the future is very much an unknown and you feel like every missed push of a skate is setting your kid back developmentally, is an easy way to fill ice slots.  Most parents have a much clearer picture of where things are headed once the teenage years kick in. In the same vein, that's why 90% of all the posts in Facebook groups are about kids that are Peewee or younger.

6.) Elite, as a word, has lost all meaning. This ties into the above.  It is mostly a marketing tool to make you feel like you are a part of a select group that is superior to everyone else, and it's thrown around like candy.  Elite mites, elite clinics, etc.  No, I'm not just talking about PPE, but at least actual hockey organizations don't use it with team names as often.  Out of the top 100 at 16U, there are only two teams that have the word "elite" in their name, and one of them is local. Elite is a word that other people can give to you, and shouldn't ever really be self proclaimed.

7.) Most importantly, you, as the parent, are uniquely capable of supporting your child's well being.  Be their sounding board.  Ask them how they are feeling.  Help them deal with their emotions.  Guide them through adversity.  They need your cheering and support more than they need you to yell "SKATE!" at them from the stands.  They need you to help process their feelings more than they need you to critique their toe drags.  You are literally paying people to help develop your child, but they can never be their parent.  That doesn't mean you can't offer technical advice or pointers, particularly if you have a lot of experience playing hockey.  However, I guarantee your kid wants you to be their parent more than they want you to be their coach or advisor.

Edited April 2Apr 2 by Duck Bill

I disagree with the prior post, I think it is fairly common for the best player at 10 to still be a very good player at 16. I only am familiar with my kids birthyears but in both cases the best players at 10 are still the best or in the top handful of players of their age group.

And I would add that if you are a 3rd line or 3rd pairing player at 14 or 15 you should probably switch to AA unless you have massive growth spurt coming. 

2 hours ago, twoboys said:

I disagree with the prior post, I think it is fairly common for the best player at 10 to still be a very good player at 16. I only am familiar with my kids birthyears but in both cases the best players at 10 are still the best or in the top handful of players of their age group.

And I would add that if you are a 3rd line or 3rd pairing player at 14 or 15 you should probably switch to AA unless you have massive growth spurt coming. 

I've seen largely the same with some exceptions of kids who lose interest.  But don't forget the money part of the story.  

What most people say is "The BEST players at 10 aren't necessarily the BEST players at 16,18,20"  Yes the BEST kids at 10 are still VERY GOOD at older ages.

But, If we use the "Team PA Brick team" as the indicator of the best 10U players.  Take a look at the roster of local 2008BY kids and what they are doing today.

4  OHL, 1 USHL, 4 18uAAA, 5 High School or AA, 1 no longer playing. And 2 of those guys have D1 College Commitments.

Pretty good, Roughly 1/3 of the "BEST" 10 year olds are still playing high level hockey at 18 years old.

But looking at local kids that were not on that Brick team when they were 10.  There is 1 on the NTDP, 4 in the OHL, 1 USHL, 5+ NAHL, and I can count 6 kids with D1 Commitments.

Looking at the 2009 Birth Year TeamPA, It is maybe a year too early to evaluate, but there are basically 2 local kids (Excluding Imports) that are still relevant.  And the 2007BY team didn't have as many local players on it but the trend is similar, 2 or 3 exceptional players, 12-13 players that are still very good.

3 hours ago, RefHannah said:

What most people say is "The BEST players at 10 aren't necessarily the BEST players at 16,18,20"  Yes the BEST kids at 10 are still VERY GOOD at older ages.

But, If we use the "Team PA Brick team" as the indicator of the best 10U players.  Take a look at the roster of local 2008BY kids and what they are doing today.

4  OHL, 1 USHL, 4 18uAAA, 5 High School or AA, 1 no longer playing. And 2 of those guys have D1 College Commitments.

Pretty good, Roughly 1/3 of the "BEST" 10 year olds are still playing high level hockey at 18 years old.

But looking at local kids that were not on that Brick team when they were 10.  There is 1 on the NTDP, 4 in the OHL, 1 USHL, 5+ NAHL, and I can count 6 kids with D1 Commitments.

Looking at the 2009 Birth Year TeamPA, It is maybe a year too early to evaluate, but there are basically 2 local kids (Excluding Imports) that are still relevant.  And the 2007BY team didn't have as many local players on it but the trend is similar, 2 or 3 exceptional players, 12-13 players that are still very good.

The big thing everyone leaves out of these conversations is that money talks.   If you are willing to shell it out, you can play almost anywhere.   I totally agree playing wise the younger kids are usually the still best kids at an older age but the amount of investment gets insane at some point.  

On 4/11/2026 at 2:35 PM, aaaahockey said:

The big thing everyone leaves out of these conversations is that money talks.   If you are willing to shell it out, you can play almost anywhere.   I totally agree playing wise the younger kids are usually the still best kids at an older age but the amount of investment gets insane at some point.  

Also the earlier you get on a good team, the easier it is to stay on it or get onto another one. Especially with money to spend.